How to Get Sasuke 101
by Lhian Ackerman
Summary: Because getting Sasuke Uchiha to fall in love with me is harder than it looks. [Fangirl OC X Sasuke]
1. Prologue

A new story, a new royal pain in the neck. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish the story and not ditch it at the last minute. Thanks to my sister, the idea of a fangirl, an extreme one, who not only obsesses over Sasuke but is also an original character, stuck with me. And now, I'm trying to breathe life into it as any author would - by writing it down.

Of course, I would love feedback to see if the idea of a creepy fangirl as the main character is a good one or not. I'll need all the help I can get.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Or Sasuke. If I did I wouldn't see the need to write this down.

* * *

 **How to Get Sasuke 101**

 _by Lhian Ackerman_

 **Because getting Sasuke Uchiha to fall in love with me is harder than it looks. [Fangirl OC X Sasuke]**

* * *

 **Prologue**

 ** _How to Get Sasuke 101_**

 _1.) Know everything there is to know about Sasuke Uchiha. And I mean everything._

 _2.) Sabotage the advances of his fangirls._

 _3.) Have the best first meeting ever._

 _4.) Train with him. Alone._

 _5.) Let him ask you to lend him your help slash strength. Because you're awesome like that._

 _6.) Go on a super duper romantic date with him. Maybe snag a few kisses or hugs. Whichever comes first._

 _7.) Make him share his past with you. But be sure to research about it beforehand._

 _8.) Confess your feelings to him. Prepare a speech and a clone for the cue cards._

 _9.) Make Sasuke love you forever and ever. (As if he hadn't already.)_

 _10.) Live happily ever after. With the man you love. The end._

"Huh? Finally making a move, Aika-chan? After all this time?"

I immediately closed my notebook with a squeak. Hugging the notebook close to my chest, I turned around and gave the beaming Yamanaka a level 4 glare. 5 is my worst, and while I don't appreciate a... _certain_ annoying teammate snooping around my business, I reserve my level 5 glares for over-the-top annoying bimbo fangirls.

So yeah. Name's Aika. I don't have any siblings, but my parents own a restaurant (which is just as demanding as a sibling, they told me when I whined about being an only child) a few blocks from here. Ever since, I don't know, forever? They never really understood my desire to become a ninja since, _surprise_ , _surprise_ , they chose the life of a civilian. Not that I blame them really, if it hadn't been for Sasuke-kun, I myself would have never decided to play ninja.

So... yeah, I really, really, _love_ Sasuke-kun. If it wasn't obvious already, Sasuke-kun is the love of my life. If I could, I'd lock him up and keep him underneath my basement. Forever. Not that I have a basement (maybe I should consider getting one, but my parents would probably get mad at me and ground me forever since they have other bills to pay off), but _still_. He's the reason why I got into this whole ninja sham business anyway. Sure, some of the things they teach us are pretty useful, like the Substitution Jutsu thingy, they help me make a quick getaway whenever Sasuke's starting to notice me following - I mean, _looking out_ for him. Still, I can count all of the important stuff that comes with being a ninja on one hand. Everything else pretty much goes over my head because I know for a fact that I don't need them in the long run.

The only problem is that I'm one year older than Sasuke. Shocker, right? Not that my age will stop me from pursuing him - it'll take a lot more than that - but since I graduated a year ahead of him, I got stuck with two dumb teammates called Haruki and Takahiro.

I stored my notebook in a scroll as I inched away from the Yamanaka, jamming the scroll back into my pocket. There's a good chance that I might catch his stupidity. And Sasuke-kun doesn't like stupid girls. "I'm so proud of you!" Haruki gushed. I turned my back on him with a huff. Stupid Haruki and his Yamanaka ways. I pretty much ignore him whenever he babbles on and on about stupid insignificant things (aka things that don't involve Sasuke-kun). He's never deterred, however, and usually, keeps up a one-sided conversation with me. I swear he can talk about a pebble he saw on a road for three hours straight and never get tired of talking about it.

I stood up and dusted my pants, sneakily preparing a Genjutsu for Haruki. Maybe it's better if I put him under a Genjutsu, at least that'll shut him up for a while.

Maybe even permanently if I'm lucky.

"Haruki, stop getting involved in Aika's personal matters. Aika, drop that hand sign. I know he's annoying, but putting him under a Genjutsu won't solve the problem."

Ah, Aburame Takahiro. He's the most pretentious, uptight ass to ever walk on Earth. He likes to call me out whenever I decide that researching about Sasuke-kun is better than the stupid training our sensei makes us do. Other than that, however, he doesn't talk much. He likes to pretend he's the cool, strong and silent type of guy, but Sasuke-kun does it _so_ much better, which, funnily enough, puts him lower than Haruki on the list of most annoying people I know, which isn't hard, since Haruki took his place at top 10 easily.

If he has the gall to point out that his cousin Ino is way better looking than me, he deserves it.

Haruki frowned. "Come on Taka-chan, you should be proud of her! She's finally moving up from being the overly creepy stalker to being an overly creepy girlfriend!"

I swooned because the thought of me being the girlfriend of Sasuke Uchiha was enough to turn me into a pile of mush. I mean, who wouldn't? Then stopped when I realized that Haruki called me creepy. I am not creepy. I gave him another level 4 glare, only for him to laugh it off like it was nothing. The jerk. Haruki is practically _begging_ for my level 5 glare. If only he knew. He'd pee his pants from how awesome and intense my level 5 glare is.

Takahiro, however, only twitched. I snickered. Taka-chan. What a joke. "I'd ask you to refrain from using that ridiculous nickname ever again."

"Why not? It sounds _super_ manly. Perfect for a man of your caliber!"

"... On second thought, that Genjutsu wouldn't be such a bad idea."

Goodbye Haruki. It was nice knowing you. Not. "Thank you," I muttered, preparing the hand signs once again.

"Hey!"

A poof of smoke stopped whatever rebuttal Takahiro had for Haruki (did he have a rebuttal though? He'd probably ditch us and sulk like the uptight ass that he is) as Isamu-sensei appeared. I immediately played innocent, whistling as I avoided eye contact. Isamu-sensei was probably the devil's bastard child. So evil that the devil himself must have disowned him. Why you may ask? It's simple. He's the worst sensei _ever_. He loved to make us run stupid laps around the training field. I hated it so much, since it made me feel sweaty and gross and just _yuck_. I remembered that one time when he caught me skipping Taijutsu practice. Sasuke-kun was still in class so I decided to stop by my family's restaurant. My parents gave me weird looks when I told them I was skipping practice, but they didn't really care so they let me stay there for a good three hours. Then Isamu-sensei appeared and practically dragged me away, despite the fact that I was screaming and clawing at his hands while he did so. For the rest of the month, I was forced to practice with Guy-sensei and his big ass eyebrows. I swear it's alive, no eyebrows look that thick and bushy and I know for a fact that I saw it _move_. But the one thing that really ticked me off was the fact Guy-sensei was worse than Isamu-sensei when it comes to training. He's a slave-driver to boot! He must think I'm more machine than human. Which I wasn't! Not to mention that he's bipolar. I mean, have you seen him running around the village and screaming about youth only to suddenly fall down on his knees and cry with a sunset as his backdrop?! I'm not even sure if the sunset was a Genjutsu or a trick of the light! And that's saying something! Genjutsu is one of the few good things that I excel in as a ninja!

Which... doesn't really mean much, now that I think about it.

What really frightened me is that Lee, a former classmate of mine but is now a green spandex lover under the tutelage of Guy-sensei, became an even weirder... _weirdo_ by mimicking Guy-sensei. I wondered about the mentality of the Hokage if he was so eager to put those two into a team and essentially doom the village as a whole. But, whatever! The point is, how dare Isamu-sensei! He can't just hand me over to them and expect me to be okay with it in the end. I should _sue_ him for the trauma he's inflicted on me. I'm telling you, he's that _evil_.

He looked us over, and asked in a tone that suggested that he really didn't care, "What happened?"

"Aika-chan's writing a checklist on how to get Sasuke." Haruki blurted out. I choked, and without hesitation, I kicked him in the shins.

Isamu-sensei's eyebrow rose in interest. He ignored the whimpering Yamanaka. "Really? So you're actually going to try and win him over?"

"That doesn't concern you." You stupid evil sensei.

"In fact, it does," Isamu-sensei drawled. "Because of your obsession with the Uchiha, your Taijutsu sucks and your Ninjutsu barely passes off as mediocre." Ouch.

Haruki snickered and even Takahiro had the gall to snort. In a graceful way. Lord knows how princessy Takahiro acts for him to snort ungracefully. Still… it kind of makes me jealous of him. Just a little bit. "I fail to see how this is connected to my _love_ ," I emphasized with a glare level 3. I am not _obsessed_. Just... dedicated. "For Sasuke-kun."

Haruki gasped. "Quick, who was Sasuke named after?"

"Sarutobi Sasuke, duh," I answered just as quickly. Then I narrowed my eyes. Is he baiting me? This is a trap. Definitely a trap. Still... I gave him a haughty look. Does he really think that I didn't know something as simple as that? Who cares if he's baiting me? Nobody can beat _me_ when it comes to Sasuke-kun. He can ask me all he wants, I'll answer every single question he throws at me.

"What's his favorite meal?"

"Omusubi with okaka and tomatoes. Fresh from his garden, of course." I ignored Haruki's, " _Sasuke owns a garden_?"

Takahiro frowned. "Where does he go at 4:30 in the afternoon?"

"Training in the Uchiha compound," I answered diligently.

Haruki smirked. "What size are his boxers?"

I open my mouth to reply but closed it when I saw the unnerved looks of my team, save for Haruki who was laughing like a maniac. The jerk. I had to sneak around Sasuke-kun's room to get that information! The fact that I went in uninvited... well, he wasn't supposed to know that!

Not that it was an unpleasant experience... I mean, I even got to see his underwear drawer...

"That's none of your business!" I squawked indignantly. I tried to ignore the way my ears were turning red from embarrassment and mostly anger as Isamu-sensei shook his head. That was the last straw. I began preparing myself for glare level 5. Stupid Haruki. He should just roll over and die!

"You could've dedicated the time you spent stalking the Uchiha boy to improving your skills as a ninja." Isamu-sensei pointed out. "Look at Takahiro, he knows how to manage his time."

Takahiro preened.

"Eh? But sensei, what about me?" Haruki wailed.

Isamu-sensei grunted. "You're too busy staring at the mirror to actually train, Haruki. You're no better than Aika."

Haruki fumed as he gestured to his silent teammate. "If it wasn't for a certain Aburame, I wouldn't see the need to look into a mirror every now and then!" Back when we were still a new team, Isamu-sensei had us practice our Ninjutsu. Like the usual. I was doing it half-assed (like usual), but Haruki and Takahiro took training very seriously (as usual). Unfortunately for them, things got a little... heated between the two. I knew it was bound to happen eventually, what with the excessive amount of testosterone and all, but Haruki kept insisting that it was Takahiro's fault and that he was just a victim to his wrath. Their squabble resulted in Takahiro burning off half of Haruki's so called gorgeous and golden locks.

Now, Haruki's hair, which was almost at his waist before the training accident, is now just barely brushing his shoulders. He vowed to take revenge, but seeing as he was still throwing a tantrum about his precious golden locks (which was silkier than mine, he boasted), I assume that he hadn't.

"Enough," Isamu-sensei barked. Haruki immediately shut up. Wise choice. "You can complain after you get stronger." And then what, you'll hand out medals? "10 laps around the field. _Now_." What? That's it? Usually, he would complain about how slow I was and - wait for it - gush about how _amazing_ Takahiro was when he did this and that.

I held my chin up. I may be lazy, but I don't like the fact that Isamu-sensei plays favorites. Not that I don't agree with him, Takahiro may be an uptight ass, but at least he's an uptight ass that listens to sensei, unlike the rest of us, but _still_. Favorites! And having favorites is a crime punishable by law! ... I think. Nevertheless! I was not afraid! I will stand my ground and hold my own against this injustice!

Then Isamu-sensei threatened us with another 5 laps if we didn't move our asses. Stupid evil incarnate. I can't waste that much time on training. I had better things to do!

And an Uchiha to stalk - I mean, an Uchiha to study - crap both of those doesn't sound right.

The three of us immediately broke off into a run. I growled. Stupid sensei. He needs a girlfriend. He must be venting out his frustration at us because he can't get the girls to like him. He's already in his mid-thirties and he's still single!

I made a sound that was a cross of a dying whale and a neighing horse. Stupid teammates. I was sweating like crazy five minutes into the run and those two haven't even broken a sweat! Okay, breathe in, breathe out. Who cares if I'm panting like a dog? I'm still breathing, so that should count. I'm fine. Totally fine. Okay, let's think positive things. Positive things that involve me finishing the race and me murdering my team.

That sounds lovely.

And then reality hits me like a ton of bricks. But that sounds painful. Instead, I'll say that reality decided to be an ass and throw me a brick with a picture of Sasuke-kun attached to it smack in the face. So I whimpered when I realized that I won't be able to see Sasuke until later today. And I'm not even halfway through with my laps! Technically I haven't even finished one. Am I even going to finish this one? I slapped myself. Ew. My face is slick with sweat. Another slap. I wiped my hand on my pants. Positive things. I should think positive things.

I ignored Haruki's concerned look. He made a face which clearly said, " _She's crazy_."

Which I _wasn't_. It's not my fault he couldn't see Sasuke-kun's awesomeness! I wondered about Sasuke-kun again. Ah, good old Sasuke-kun. He must be in class. That's a no-brainer. He never skips classes so it's not like he'll go anywhere. Still, it'd be nice to see him soon. I imagined his cool eyes staring out the window, beautiful raven hair framing his face and his lips looking so very delicious -

I squealed. To think that the drop dead gorgeous Sasuke-kun will soon be mine! He's graduating in a few days, and while I know that he has to pass the Genin Exam to be able to you know, actually graduate, it's not like he'll _fail_. Sasuke-kun is awesome like that. He'll pass the test with flying colors, I bet!

But, it doesn't take a wild guess to know that he'll be practicing extra harder for the exam. He's a hard-worker. Meaning, he'll be out training longer than usual. Meaning, he'll be pushing himself to the limits so he can show off to those ants he calls classmates what Sasuke Uchiha can _really_ do. Meaning, I need to get out of here because Sasuke-kun is gonna be all sweaty and tired and he would look so hot and gorgeous -

I stared longingly at the direction of the Uchiha compound. Maybe I could skip practice. Just for a little bit. I'm tired and I'm sure that dying by running isn't an impossible feat. I need to rest! Not only am I slowing down (Haruki and Takahiro are nowhere in sight, the traitors), I'm also getting... dizzy. Oh gosh, my breakfast is turning sour in my tummy. Am I gonna puke? I knew tempura for breakfast was a bad idea. They were delicious though. Mom makes killer tempura. I shake my head. No, no, _no_! There are more important things in life than vomiting tempura! Like, rest and going on a killing spree (I'm watching you, Haruki and Isamu-sensei). And besides, Sasuke-kun _needs_ me! I mean, who cares about Guy-sensei and the bushes on his face that he calls eyebrows? It's not like I'm stuck with him if I make sure that Isamu-sensei doesn't _catch_ me skipping.

"Aika." Crap. I stiffened. My sensei was suddenly blocking my only exit to escape his evil clutches.

I stopped. Then I took one long look at my sensei and heaved. This is not good. I cannot let him see me in a moment of weakness. Not like I have any plans of stopping my puking session soon. I figured Isamu-sensei will let me take a break when I'm puking all over the newly cut grass. I mean, he can't be that cruel. Oh, look. Tempura. Sucks to be the people who have to clean this up and explain how a tempura managed to end up here. I groaned as I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. This is bad. I smell and my legs are killing me! Oh crap sensei is still looking at me. Did he actually watch me puke and decide not to help a poor and pitiful soul like me? Jerk. He must be heartless or something. "I'm watching you. If you want to go after your Sasuke-kun, you better finish your laps first. Or else." He warned. Then he smiled. Evilly might I add. "I hear that Iruka-sensei is letting class end early today because of the upcoming exam. You better hurry."

Needless to say, I ran like the devil was on my heels. With the thought of Sasuke-kun going home early, my legs decided to have a mind of its own. Which, would've been nice if they decided to do it before I started puking. But that's okay! I needed to hurry up, go home, take a shower (because I can't let Sasuke-kun catch a whiff of me covered in sweat and vomit, though it's unlikely because I'll be watching him from a distance), and ignore my parents' exasperated sighs. They think I'm undergoing a phase or something. Just you watch mom and dad! You'll have an Uchiha son-in-law before you know it! Oh, wait now I'm getting sidetracked.

The point is after all the crap sensei is putting me through, I can finally, _finally_ go after Sasuke-kun. This was my purpose in life. My destiny! My fate! My... whatever you want to call it!

But first, says a voice that's _eerily_ similar to Isamu-sensei, you need to finish your laps. Stupid evil sensei. He's evil even when he's just a figment of my imagination! Though it's not really his fault. And I can't really blame a voice in my head. Should I blame my imagination then? Oh no sensei's following me. He must be keeping an eye out in case I decided to sneak out. How dare him. I stuck my tongue out like that mature adult that I was. You want to play that game huh? I'll show him. I'll show the whole world that Sasuke-kun is mine for the taking! He's mine and I'll make sure of that, or my name isn't Aika Uchiha!

See what I did there? And Takahiro calls me dumb for my incredibly _awesome_ foresight.


	2. Step 1

**_Kirinonai Kizuna_** **\- Well, thank you! This couldn't have been possible without you.**

 ** _AmanecerAzul_** **\- Thank you! Your review definitely put a smile on my face. I hope you enjoy the story!**

Thanks to everyone who's supported me with my new story. You guys are the best!

* * *

 **How to Get Sasuke 101**

 _by_ Lhian _Ackerman_

 **Because getting Sasuke Uchiha to fall in love with me is harder than it looks. [Fangirl OC X Sasuke]**

* * *

 **Step 1**

 ** _1.) Know everything there is to know about Sasuke Uchiha. And I mean everything._**

"Why are we even here?"

Takahiro sighed. "You know why. Isamu-sensei doesn't trust Aika enough to be quiet."

"I don't get it. Everybody knows that you have to pass your Jounin instructor's test to be Genin."

"And by everybody, you mean everybody who managed to pass the Academy's standard Genin exam. If you can recall, you threatened to report Isamu-sensei to the Hokage when he announced we had to pass his own personal test."

"... Shut up Taka-chan. I was young back then."

"And a year was enough to smother your immaturity?"

"I've outgrown my selfish bouts of immaturity. Aren't you aware of how amazing I am?"

"I'm aware of how amazing you are _not_."

"Just you wait, Taka-chan. The moment sensei asks us both to spar, I'll kick your sorry bug-infested ass."

"That'll take a while then. It appears that their teacher hasn't even announced the teams yet."

"Huh? How did you know that? Did Aika-chan tell you?"

"No. I placed a bug on Aika. Just to make sure she doesn't do anything funny."

"... That was actually pretty smart, Taka-chan. I would never have thought of that."

"Don't worry. It's not like I expect you to."

"Humph. I hate you. Like, really, _really_ hate you."

"Of course."

"I'll kick your ass."

"Of course."

"And you'll be sorry."

"Of course."

"Wait you actually agreed with me?"

"You're annoying."

Haruki grumbled. "Of course you'll say that."

* * *

I debated on whether or not I should cross out the first step. Should I? Or should I not? I mean, am I really worthy enough to cross out the first thing on my list? I think I am. Look, I don't know if you knew this, but I spent 7 years. I spent 7 grueling years of my life obtaining information about Sasuke-kun. _7 years_. Uh, don't get me wrong, though. While I learn new things about Sasuke-kun more and more each passing day (yesterday I learned that Sasuke-kun was using the same brand of toothpaste that I was using, which was freaking sweet), I knew for a fact that I had a pretty good grasp of who Sasuke Uchiha is. And well... that should count for something... right?

Sighing, I sealed the notebook away. I should think this over when I get home. I can't afford to waste any more time than I should have.

I raised my binoculars and took a peek at Sasuke-kun. Humming, I swung my legs over the branch that I was sitting on. He hasn't noticed me. Good. Not to brag or anything, but I was pretty good at hiding and just being overall... forgettable. I spent my years in the Academy honing my skills in stealth and information gathering, which came at a price. I didn't have the patience nor the interest for other ninja fields such as Ninjutsu and yes, Taijutsu. With that being said, I don't mind that I was lacking in the skills department. After all, the skills where I actually invested time and energy into were all worth it. I can't say that I've perfected them. But I was good enough to follow Sasuke-kun wherever he went without being caught. That's not to say I didn't mess up every now and then. I mean, sure, there were a few... incidents where he kind of got suspicious. He's never managed to pinpoint it was me, though. Thanks to the sheer number of fangirls following him (all of which did horrible jobs at stalking him, the idiots), it seems like Sasuke-kun was used to having girls follow him. Unfortunately for them, it means that he's good at avoiding them too. Hmm. Maybe fangirls are good for something after all. Without them, I wouldn't have managed to maintain my anonymity and watch Sasuke-kun from afar.

Maybe I was being too critical of them? I mean, it wasn't their fault they were born with a pea-sized brain and that, well, they weren't as awesome and as talented as me. With a nod, I decided to invite them to my wedding as some sort of apology. I mentally patted myself on the back. I'm so awesome. I'm so brilliant. Bloody brilliant, in fact. I'm sure Sasuke wouldn't mind. I'm sure that if I explained that it was thanks to them that we were able to get together and fall in love...

Wait, no. Nevermind. I snarled at the sight of two girls entering the classroom. Well, stormed in, was more like it. Their names were... ah, yes. Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka. Sasuke had a bunch of fangirls, a billion of them to be exact, but it was those two who really took the cake. Which... makes me wonder about the flavor of my wedding cake... Sasuke-kun wouldn't appreciate chocolate now, would he... do wedding cakes come in tomato flavor?

Aw crap. I need to focus. What was I talking about? Sakura? Ah yes, Sakura. Sakura... well I don't really care about her. Who cares if she was the vice-president of the Sasuke Uchiha fan club? Huh? What do you mean you don't know about the Sasuke Uchiha fan club? Shame on you and your ignorant ways. For your info, I entertained the idea of joining the fan club once upon a time, but quickly shot down the idea when I realized that trading information was expected of everyone, and sharing information about the Uchiha was practically a cardinal sin for me. So, as much as I hate to say it (not), Sakura Haruno, I deduced, was actually pretty worthless. I saw her student record (by accident, of course. It was Sasuke-kun's record I was really after). She scored high in academics, but everything else was pretty much subpar. It was Ino, Haruki's cousin that I'm weary of.

Ino was way more popular than Sakura. I never really knew why. Must be because she's blonde. To recall, Haruki was pretty popular in our year too. With the ladies, to be exact. But I'm not entirely sure if their charisma is all because of their hair color or something else. Pretty sure it's the former, what with those popular teenage dramas everyone's so hyped up about. If I can recall, almost everyone in those shows was blonde. Or, maybe I'm wrong about all this and they could have super secret Yamanaka powers that brainwash people should they so desire. Who knows? Anyways, Ino's popularity landed her the position of president and supreme overlord of the fan club. Well, not really a supreme overlord. Yes, she's bossy and yes, I caught her leading a small team of fangirls in an effort to follow Sasuke-kun home (which failed miserably, much to my delight). But despite that, she's not... supreme overlord evil. Compared to Isamu-sensei, she's like a saint. But that doesn't mean she's not annoying. Oh ho. Far from it, actually. As of now, Ino is my biggest threat. Sure she's... the same year as Sasuke and sure she... takes care of herself better than I do. I mean, I can't deny that she has good taste in fashion. I'll give her that. Unlike her, I don't really dress to impress. If anything I dress to repress my presence. When I chose my all-time favorite green hoodie, I chose it because it offered me camouflage. Konoha has a bunch of trees scattered about, thanks to Hashirama and his dopey ass skills.

Yep. Konoha's prized trees are where I usually stake out. Thanks to my awesomely green hoodie, it was harder to tell me apart from the leaves I was trying to blend in with. I became Aika of the hidden leaves _easily_. Heh. My jokes are really funny. Maybe I should consider pursuing comedy? Hmm. Would Sasuke-kun like that? He doesn't seem like the type of guy who likes comedy. Or anything funny in general. Maybe he'll change his mind when it comes to me? To be fair, there's a lot to like about me. What _wouldn't_ he like about me?

... Actually, now that I think about it... I looked down at my clothes. Would Sasuke-kun like my sense of fashion? I know he doesn't really look at a girl's clothes, but still. From what I was wearing, I kind of look like a stylish... tree, more or less. A tree with a penchant for stalking a raven-haired boy with dreamy eyes. But ha! Who cares! This is all just temporary anyway. I'll wear my best clothes when Sasuke-kun sees me. And I swear, when Sasuke-kun's eyes land on me, they'll pop out from how gorgeous I looked.

Hopefully.

Anyways, what I wear _doesn't_ matter. What matters is that I know stuff that Ino doesn't. Stuff she can only dream of getting her hands on. Stuff that require skill, and awesomeness to acquire. All of which are things she doesn't have. Mwahaha.

I watched as Sakura and Ino bickered about who gets the honor of sitting next to Sasuke. The seat itself wasn't anything special. The fact that Sasuke-kun has occupied the seat next to it made it a zillion times more valuable than it was before. Too bad there's no way in hell I can sit next to my beloved. My soulmate. My one and only. My... you get it. I'm running out of ideas here. With a huff, I grudgingly looked away.

I envy them, you know. Sakura and Ino and pretty much everyone who was classmates with Sasuke. Not only were they in the same year as Sasuke-kun, they had the added bonus of seeing him almost daily with no effort! Jerks. Sometimes, I really hate my mother for giving birth to me a year earlier than Sasuke-kun. I mean, she could have just _waltzed_ up to Sasuke's parents and asked them when they were expecting. Which is... kinda hard to do, now that I think about it. Hmm. Then I can't really blame mom. Imagine the sheer mortification she'll have to go through when she decides to ask his mother for the date of Sasuke-kun's birth.

 _"Uchiha-_ sama _."_

 _"Oh, hello there. Is there a problem?"_

 _"I need your help."_

 _"My help?"_

 _"Yes. Your help. I can't do this without you."_

 _"Well, I don't know if I'll be of any assistance. But I'll try."_

 _"Thank you. I wanted to ask, have you decided on having another baby?"_

 _"... Pardon?"_

 _"And, if you have decided when are you due?"_

 _"..."_

 _"..."_

 _"... Excuse me, but why are you asking? Surely I don't see how you're connected to me... having another... baby."_

 _"Oh, but I am. Connected you mean."_

 _"You are?"_

 _"Yes. It's quite simple really."_

 _"Oh?"_

 _"You see, my future daughter is destined to be the wife of your son."_

 _"..."_

Yeah, that wasn't gonna happen.

I raised my binoculars again. Somehow, the two bimbos have managed to attract the attention of the entire fan club. Now everyone was fighting tooth and nail for the seat. My gaze turned skyward. Is it too much to ask for them to kill each other? Will a deity listen to my prayer despite the fact that I was asking for the death of a whole species named fangirl? Look at them! I winced when I saw a particularly vicious and brutal session of hair yanking. I should feel sorry for them. I know I should. Instead, I whooped and cheered them on as Sakura was pushed back several feet thanks to a killer heel kick. Any second now and someone will draw blood. Then it's bye-bye to the fan club.

Then all of a sudden, they just... stopped. I blinked, then checked again to see if I was imagining things. Nope. They definitely stopped. Miffed and definitely disappointed, I followed their gazes to see what the fuss was all about. It had better be worth it, I grumbled to myself. They were _this_ close to murdering each other senseless.

I blinked.

I paled.

Then I screamed.

It was a good thing that the other fangirls had the same idea as me. Thank God. Their screams managed to drown out my own.

"Aika!"

Now that... that was a familiar voice. Something tells me that the voice belongs to Takahiro the uptight ass. Heh. Uptight ass. Still, when did he arrive? And... is that... _Haruki_? Huh. So we have Takahiro... plus Haruki? Uh... Takahiro and Haruki... together? Conveniently near the place where I was staking out? ... Are they on a date? Probably not. Holy crap, I _hope_ they're not. They're straight. I _know_ they're straight. Besides, this place is a weird location for a date - wait. Wait wait wait _wait_. They're here... and I'm here... everyone's here. Were they ... were they actually... _spying_ on me?

If it had been any other day, I would've chased them away with my awesome Genjutsu skills. Because... you know, I was that awesome. I would've tricked Haruki into thinking that he was going bald and that Takahiro was being chased by an anteater. They'd go away eventually, and I would be left alone to my own devices as I think of a convoluted plan to make an equally convoluted Uchiha fall in love with me.

And then Haruki and Takahiro would appear to drag me away after they realize they had been in fact placed under a Genjutsu. Which… usually, takes 10 minutes. Tops. See, this isn't really fair on my part. I've been placing them under Genjutsu for as long as I can remember. Sensei wanted the three of us to be capable of noticing and dispelling Genjutsu at all times, which ultimately lead me to cast them whenever Isamu-sensei threatened me to. Of course with so much exposure to my Genjutsu, they'd catch on sooner or later that I was following after Sasuke-kun and subsequently leaving them at the mercy of Isamu-sensei. Unfortunately for me, this means that they'd have fun during target practice, as Isamu-sensei would probably volunteer me to be a moving target as punishment for ditching practice.

Alas, it was never meant to be. Takahiro and Haruki appeared, alarm evident on their features. Since Genjutsu is a no-no, I wanted to surprise them with something else. I have to be spontaneous, you know? Got to keep them on their toes. I needed something new. Something... jaw-dropping. Heart-stopping (heart attacks are an added bonus, though, so don't forget that). I wanted to show them something that will knock their socks off. Not that they have socks. I mean, nobody except a few weirdos wears socks. In fact, most of the ninja population wear sandals. 'Cause they're... versatile? I don't really know. Still, you get the point. I gave my teammates horrified looks and - wait for it - burst into tears.

And it wasn't the pretty kind. When I cried, I always had snot dripping down my nose.

Haruki looked stunned. Score. "What - what happened? Why did you scream?"

The image of - oh god I feel so weak. I can't even finish my trail of thought. Oh God, it's so bad that I can't even finish my trail of thought. This is _bad_. "Sasuke-kun - he - that blonde guy he - his virgin lips!" I wailed.

Haruki knelt down and tried to assess me for injuries. Which was stupid of him to do! The idiot. Sure, I felt dizzy and nauseous and my body was probably shaking uncontrollably. I mean, hello, trauma? Still, that _wasn't_ the problem. I shoved the Yamanaka away weakly. Which... wasn't hard to do. I sucked at Taijutsu and my headache was becoming worse. I think it's the fact that I _sluggishly_ tried to push him away was what made him back off. I treated the Yamanaka like a disease, so me initiating the physical contact probably threw him in for a loop. But I disregarded my pride, my health, and my personal hygiene. Why? I needed to tell them. Tell them that Sasuke-kun's virgin lips were corrupted by that good for nothing blonde blue-eyed _asshole_ -

"Virgin lips? What do you mean? Tell us what happened!" demanded Takahiro. "Aika!"

 _They kissed_ , I thought faintly. I wanted to giggle though. I never thought Takahiro would say something as vulgar as virgin lips. Or say it with such a straight face. But I felt like sleeping. Sleeping was good. I shook my head with a sniffle before I fainted.

* * *

I awoke with a scream.

I sat up and Haruki was immediately on my side. He held my shoulders firmly and shook me a little. "Aika! It's okay! You're alright! You're with us."

I don't remember exactly what happened here. Everything feels... fuzzy. Like you've just woken up from 12 hours of sleep (my first week with Isamu-sensei could probably attest to that) and you're halfway there towards being awake. All I know is that Haruki does this - you know, the shaking me till I was seeing stars bit - for several more moments before he's satisfied with what he sees and moves away from me, but still close enough to detain me if I decided on throwing another fit. Which I won't. Probably. I bunched the white sheets covering my lower body. The bed underneath me isn't comfortable at all. The bed was really lumpy. So lumpy in fact, I felt like sleeping on the ground was a better choice. At least the ground doesn't feel like you're lying on a dozen anthills digging in your back. Stupid beds. Why exist if the ground is a better option for sleeping than you? Not to mention the stupid _nurses_. I knew this clinic reeked of corruption the moment I walked in (you know, specifically my 18th trip to the clinic). I caught one of the nurses using the school funds to buy more porn novels instead of buying better _mattresses_. Do they not see my poor, aching back?

... Though there's a good chance it was caused by Taijutsu practice and not the beds. Still, it's the thought that counts.

Dazed, I processed Haruki's words. I feel like my brain is still asleep. I can't organize my thoughts... nor can I gather my bearings. With them? I blinked. Haruki was with someone. I looked around and found Takahiro silent a few feet away from me, guarding the... door? I gave him a blank look. _Where are we_? _And why the heck are you guarding the door_? I wanted to ask. I decided against it as I looked over Haruki's shoulder and saw the familiar white walls and cheap ass beds of the Academy clinic. I saw cracked tiles and chipping paint and dreary curtains and - I took a whiff of bleach. Yep. Definitely the clinic. Ah, memories. I went here a lot during my time in the Academy. I always had my ass handed back to me whenever my teacher versed me with anyone who was capable of Taijutsu... Which was, practically everyone in my class. Yeah. Good old Academy clinic.

Then a flash of raven went through my mind - oh God - and I couldn't help the fat drop that rolled down my cheek. My snot didn't wait to play catch up. "Sasuke-kun... He..." I swallowed.

Takahiro and Haruki exchanged a look. Haruki gave me a pitying look. "We know what happened Aika. Ino told us everything."

"... Everything?"

"Everything." I stayed silent after that. I really didn't want to talk. Or do anything, really. Instead, Haruki babbled on and on about how worried they were when I fainted, and how hard they tried to convince the nurses to keep quiet about the whole thing. Probably bribed them with more porn novels, I thought to myself. Unfortunately, Haruki lost me after that (I think he mentioned something along the lines of Takahiro and virgin lips). Silence drowned his words. The colors of raven and blonde blurred together and I found myself drifting away...

It was clear that the whole thing was just a... _accident_... I saw Sasuke-kun's face. He was just as horrified as me. Or more so. Either way, I couldn't tell. I've never been kissed by anyone, much less someone from the same sex. Except for my mom. Still, the fact that he lost his first kiss to someone who... well, wasn't _me_ , was enough to push me over the edge. Get it? The _edge_. I balled my fists. Oh, that jerk is just asking for it! Screw glare level 5! I'll be shooting _lasers_ from my eyes! I swear, I will make it my life's mission to find out that asshole's name and discover what keeps him up at night! I will _hang_ him with his intestines and nail his entrails on his parents' doorframe -

"However," Takahiro cut in. Jerk. How dare he? I was on a _roll_. "I don't see the reason why you had to react so..." He pursed his lips in distaste. "Dramatically."

That reeled me back in. I gaped. " _Dramatically_?! Sasuke-kun lost his virgin lips, Takahiro!" Which means it warrants such a reaction you good for _nothing_ -

"I mean, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe... Sasuke was... gay?" Haruki asked awkwardly. He squirmed under my disbelieving stare but he continues on bravely. "He's never shown any interest in girls... and now he's making out with a random guy from his class."

I gave them the dirtiest look I could muster. They better thank their lucky stars that I didn't have the energy for a glare level 5. Or a glare at all for that matter. I didn't give them an answer either. Not when they didn't understand the gravity of the situation. Of _my_ situation.

I stayed silent as I tried to wipe away my endless supply of tears. Discreetly, I did the same with my snot. In my mind, Sasuke-kun and I would be each other's first kiss. It would be just like how they wrote in the novels. We'd have a candlelit dinner in the fanciest restaurant in the Land of Fire, and, after that, Sasuke-kun would take me to the beach. The moon would be smiling down at us. The stars would be twinkling and the water would lap and crash against each other. We'd walk along the shore, smiling and laughing and then Sasuke-kun would give me this smoldering, almost tender look. I'd blush. He'd grab both my hands and lean in close, his raven hair tickling my cheeks. With a shaky breath, I'd close my eyes and -

Realize that this was never going to happen! Sasuke-kun's virgin lips are gone. They were _gone_. Gone and never coming back. If I had known that this was going to happen - that it was going to happen today of all days - I could've - _I would've_ -

I stopped. Today. Today, something _very_ important happened. I whirled around and screeched, "Sasuke-kun's team!" Takahiro winced and Haruki covered his ears. But I didn't care if I was going Banshee at the moment. They could go _deaf_ for all I care. "His team! Who are they?!"

Again. They exchanged another look. It's scary how they managed to hold a silent conversation with their eyes and not go after each others' throats. Are they... actually getting along? Or worse, are they _dating_? Wait. The fact that they are getting along (or dating) for the sake of telling me Sasuke's team placement isn't a good thing. Nope, definitely not a good thing. Crap. Oh crap crap crap. It was Takahiro who broke eye-contact first and he spoke up. "You're not going to like this."

I wanted to yell at them to hurry the hell up. Who cares if I'm not going to like it? But I nodded anyway. I didn't want to scare them away. They know stuff I need to get my hands on. I guess my answer was too eager for Takahiro's taste. Because he took a really, _really_ long time to reply. The jerk.

"Do you know Sakura Haruno?" I nodded again. Albeit slower. Slow and subtle is the way to do it. "Well, she's been teamed up with Sasuke."

Sakura Haruno? I frowned. That... didn't make any sense. Teams usually consist of people who amplify each other's strengths and cover up their weaknesses. Teams are almost always created with a specialization in mind. Haruki, Takahiro and I specialized in stealth and information gathering. Likewise, Guy-sensei's team, which consisted of Lee, some random Hyūga... and Tenten? Was it Tenten? Bah. In any case, those three specialized in close quarter combat. With Tenten (again, I'm not sure) being the long distance fighter. Oh my gosh, I actually _remembered_ that. Ha! Take that Isamu-sensei. I do so listen to your stupid lectures... sometimes. Okay, maybe only a little bit. At least I _try_.

Despite the fact that Sakura was head-over-heels in love with Sasuke-kun, and the, you know, she deserved to die thing going on, I tried to reign in my must-kill-all-fangirls side of me. As much as I despised the idea of them being teamed up together... I had to figure out why she was placed in a team with Sasuke-kun first. I just… didn't see the reason why she was placed on Sasuke-kun's team. The revenge thing could probably be pushed later on. I toyed with the idea of Sakura the bimbo and Sasuke-kun the perfect, _perfect_ specimen being on a team together. So... Sakura was placed there as, what? Eye-candy? Hehe. Appropriate for her hideous hair, kudos to the Hokage for that. But Sasuke-kun doesn't need eye-candy! He has me for goodness' sake! What more can he need? Besides, Sakura will never _ever_ match up to Sasuke's standards. Period. And an exclamation mark. Whatever. In any case, I know for a fact that whatever Sakura can do, Sasuke can do better.

Maybe the other teammate had some sort of super power to make up for Sakura's uselessness?

That must be it. "Well... who's the other teammate then?"

I watched as panic washed over Haruki's features. He licked his lips, avoiding eye-contact.

Dread pooled in the base of my stomach. "S-See... that's where things get a bit more uh..." Haruki gulped. "... Difficult."

"Difficult?"

"Y-Yeah, kinda. Wait. Give me a second. I just remembered something." Haruki fumbled for something in his pocket. He brightened up as he handed a paper bag over to me.

I stared at it. "What do I need this for?"

"... This regulates your breathing."

Seriously? I shot him an annoyed look. "Haruki."

"You just hold it up like this, and breathe in - "

"Haruki."

"And out. Simple, right? Let me do a quick replay - "

"Haruki for the love of - I need to know, _who's the other teammate_?"

To my surprise, Haruki sighed, sounding... resigned? Oh no. That wasn't a very Haruki thing to do. The last word you'd use to describe Haruki was resigned. I mean, even if you ignore him whenever he's talking to you, he won't stop. God knows how hard I tried. No, he'll probably pretend that you are interested in conversation and go on and on about the three leaf clover he saw near the stream. So yeah, not good. Panicked, I tried to imagine the worst case scenario. Uh, what was the worst case scenario? Ino? Was she the worst case scenario? Or was it the blonde blue-eyed asshole who had the gall to take away Sasuke-kun's virgin lips and simultaneously _thinks he can get away unscathed_ -

I'm probably not that unlucky. And coincidences like that don't happen very often. And if they happen, well... novels tell me that the girl always gets the guy in the end, right? Right. Whoo. Okay. I feel good. I'm prepared. I can do this. My teammate looked at me square in the face and said firmly, "The other teammate's name is Naruto Uzumaki."

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. Huh. So it's not Ino then.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." Takahiro said. "He... he's the one who kissed Sasuke."

I stared at them dumbly. _Naruto_ _Uzumaki_? Naruto Uzumaki… Naruto Uzumaki… Naruto Uzumaki… Naruto Uzumaki… Huh. Blonde blue-eyed asshole... Naruto Uzumaki? Naruto Uzumaki... on Sasuke-kun's team?

Something crashed and burned and though a voice told me _I told you so, love is a fickle mistress_ , I shrieked. " _WHAT_?!"


End file.
